You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
