So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
