how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
