Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
