so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
