Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
