remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
