Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
