Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
