I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
