I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Someone signed my nipple.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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