Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize