i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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