if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
