Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
