How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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