I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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