the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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