Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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