the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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