Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
