I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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