Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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