you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
