I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
