I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
