8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude i'm inner monologue high
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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