So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I lost the right to judge tonight
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
