You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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