i may or may not be watching the land before time
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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