No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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