3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
