They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
