She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
