you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
