last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
