omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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