I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
