So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
