I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
