one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
