it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
