I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize