i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
