a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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