i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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