Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize