You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
