I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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