your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
