saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
