Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize