This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
