Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
