I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize