I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
