just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
