the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
