lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize