I'm so fucking centered right now
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
