Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
