meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
