i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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