worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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