Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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