Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
