You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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