I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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