Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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