Kareoke will never be a sober sport
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
