I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize