I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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