I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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