My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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