No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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