I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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