I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
