can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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