Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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