Do you still have your period?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize