I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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