The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
