Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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