I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
