Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
