i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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