That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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