i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
