So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
