And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
