you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize