i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i came on her dog
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
