you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
two words...techno handjob
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize