You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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