he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize