I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize