I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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