what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i already hear my dad disowning me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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