Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
