I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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