Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
