What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
