standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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